When Is Mediation Not a Good Choice for a Divorce?~ 4 min read
- Mediation may be appropriate even when you and your spouse have significant disagreements or do not have all the information needed to settle your divorce.
- You do not have to resolve every issue in one Mediation session for the process to be useful.
- If there is a history of family violence or you feel unsafe communicating directly with your spouse, additional safeguards may be necessary and can be arranged.
- Your mediator is neutral and cannot give you or your spouse legal advice, so you should consult your attorney before signing a final agreement.
- Choosing a mediator whose approach and communication style fit your circumstances can make a difference in the Mediation process
Is There Ever a Bad Time for Mediation?
You could wonder if your divorce is too difficult, too contentious, or simply not ready for Mediation. In my experience, Mediation has value even when you are not prepared to immediately settle your entire divorce. Sometimes it makes sense to handle custody issues in advance of any financial issues or even to allow your family to try out a particular schedule for a time period, while working through other issues.
If you and your spouse are missing documents or financial information, you do not necessarily need to cancel your mediation. You will use the session to discuss what information is needed, why it is needed, and how you will obtain and exchange it. A mediator may also assist with redacting documents or creating a process for exchanging sensitive information.
Mediation Does Not Have to Resolve Everything
You may walk into Mediation thinking you need to settle every issue in one day. That is not always the purpose of the session. You could have one or two unresolved issues after reaching an agreement on most of your divorce. In that situation, Mediation will give you a way to address those remaining issues and move your case toward completion without returning to court.
Your mediator may also explain an issue from a different perspective. Sometimes hearing information explained in another way gives you and your spouse a better understanding of the choices before you. Many times, the mediator may help you discover other options that you did not realize were available.
What If There Is Family Violence?
A history of family violence requires careful planning, but it does not automatically rule out Mediation. You will meet in separate rooms, participate in separate sessions, have your attorneys present, or participate entirely separately based on the circumstances. Your safety and ability to make voluntary decisions should always come first. If you feel pressured or unsafe, your mediator should know so appropriate safeguards can be put in place.
Your Attorney Still Matters
Your mediator is neutral. That means your mediator does not represent you or tell you what decision you should make. If you are considering an agreement that gives up significant rights or differs substantially from what you believe a court might order, you should speak with your attorney. Before anything becomes final, you should understand what you are agreeing to and what you are giving up.
Mediation also does not have to happen in person. You could participate through Zoom, meet in person, or use a combination of formats depending on your circumstances and the mediator’s process.
Choose the Right Mediator
Before scheduling Mediation, consider speaking with the mediator first. You should feel comfortable with the mediator’s communication style and confident that the mediator is a good fit for your circumstances.
Mediation is not part of the Collaborative Divorce process, but it offers another way for you and your spouse to resolve disputes outside of a courtroom. Even when your divorce has significant disagreements, Mediation will give you a structured setting to work through them.
Contact Family Ally
If you are considering Mediation, understanding how the process works and whether it is appropriate for your circumstances can help you decide how to proceed. At Family Ally, we help you understand your options and prepare for Mediation with your rights and goals in mind. Contact Jennifer Piper at 314-449-9800 or contact us online to schedule a consultation.
Family Ally is located at 130 S. Bemiston Ave., Suite 608, St. Louis, MO 63105.
FAQs
Is Mediation appropriate if my spouse and I cannot agree on anything?
Yes. Mediation gives you a structured setting to identify disagreements, exchange information, and work toward solutions. You do not need to have every issue resolved before you begin.
What if I do not feel comfortable sitting in the same room as my spouse?
Tell the mediator before the session. Separate rooms, separate meetings, attorneys, and virtual Mediation are options that may make the process more appropriate for your circumstances.
Is a mediated agreement final as soon as we agree?
No. You should have the agreement reviewed by your attorney before signing it. Your mediator will guide the discussion, but your attorney will provide legal advice about your rights and the terms you are considering.
Jennifer R. Piper is a family law attorney, mediator, and parenting coordinator with more than 20 years of experience serving families in the St. Louis area. She is certified as a Guardian ad Litem and frequently appointed by courts to represent children in high-conflict cases. Jennifer is a former Chair of the Family and Juvenile Law Section of the Bar Association of Metropolitan St. Louis and an active leader in local and state bar organizations.
Her professional recognition includes being named to The Best Lawyers in America® (2017–2025), Missouri Super Lawyers (2021–2024), and receiving a Women’s Justice Award from Missouri Lawyers Weekly. Jennifer also holds an AV Preeminent rating from Martindale-Hubbell. She regularly speaks on family law topics and has helped shape family court procedures through her service on multiple committees.
