How to Talk to Your Kids About Divorce~ 3 min read

One of the toughest things that you will have to do in your divorce is to tell your kids. Talking to them about the changes that are coming can be overwhelming, but with the right approach, you can help them understand and adjust more easily. Here’s how to approach this sensitive conversation with care and clarity.

Tailor the Conversation to Their Age

The way you discuss your divorce with your children should depend on their age and emotional maturity. Younger kids, for instance, may only need to know that they will be loved and cared for, even as the family dynamics change. For them, simple explanations like “We’re going to be living in different houses, but we both love you very much” are often sufficient.

Older children and teenagers will have more questions and need more detailed explanations. They may be curious about where everyone will live, whether their schools will change, and how daily routines will be affected. It’s important to address their questions as honestly as you can, but without overwhelming them with details that you don’t yet have.

Prepare for the Conversation

Before talking to your kids, consider discussing the situation with a therapist. A therapist can provide guidance on how to approach the conversation, including the best timing and how to frame the discussion based on your child’s developmental stage.

If possible, you and your spouse should both be present for this conversation. You should plan how you will have this conversation. Telling your children together will provide them with a sense of unity and reassurance that you are both on the same page. Reassure your children that you will both continue to be actively involved in their lives and that the divorce is not their fault. Let them know that both of you want them to be happy, safe, and taken care of.

Consider Collaborative Divorce or Mediation

The Collaborative Divorce process or Mediation could also be an effective way to handle how you approach telling your children. In either setting, you and your spouse can discuss and agree exactly how to present the news to your children. In a Collaborative Divorce, a coach is already involved who may be able to assist, or a child specialist could be brought in to help both of you navigate the conversation. They can even offer support in the actual moment of telling your kids, ensuring that the discussion is as gentle and reassuring as possible.

Answering Their Questions

Your children might have many questions, some of which you might not have answers to immediately. It’s okay to admit that you don’t have all the answers yet. What’s important is to reassure them that you are working to make things as stable as possible and that you will let them know as soon as you know more.

Encourage them to share their feelings and ask questions. Let them know they can talk to you, a teacher, or even a therapist if they need additional support. Keeping an open line of communication is key. Being open and available to them will help them feel more secure during this transition.

Conclusion

Talking to your kids about divorce is never easy, but with thoughtful preparation and communication, you can help them through this changing time. Keep the conversation age-appropriate, answer their questions honestly, and provide reassurance.

Contact Family Ally

If you need support during the divorce process, consider reaching out to Family Ally in St. Louis. Our experienced team can guide you through the complexities of divorce and help ensure that your family’s needs are met during this transition. Contact Jennifer Piper at 314-449-9800 to schedule a consultation.

Family Ally is located at 130 S. Bemiston Ave., Suite 608, St. Louis, MO 63105.