Avoiding the “F” Word (Fair) in Divorce~ 2 min read

When you’re going through a divorce, it’s tempting to focus on what’s “fair.” But fair can mean something different to everyone and getting stuck on that idea can make the process harder for you and your family.

What Does “Fair” Mean?

If you ask kids, they’ll likely tell you that fair means equal, splitting everything right down the middle. But is that really the best solution for your situation? Not always.

For some people, “fair” means everyone getting exactly the same. For others, it might mean dividing assets based on contributions to the marriage, needs, or what’s best for the entire family. Fair might even look like one person keeping the family home to keep the kids in their school district, while the other person gets different assets or receives their share later.

Exploring Your Needs in Mediation

In a traditional courtroom, judges don’t usually care why you want a specific asset. They focus on legal guidelines, not emotional ties or practical family concerns. Your attorney may not even ask you why certain things matter to you.

But in Collaborative Divorce or Mediation, you get the chance to discuss your reasons. Maybe you want the house because it’s been in your family for generations or you put a lot of work into it.  Maybe  it’s just about keeping your kids in the same school district for a few more years. Having these conversations can help create more thoughtful and personalized solutions.

Custody: It’s Not Always About 50/50

The same goes for custody. Many people assume a 50/50 split is automatically the best or only option. But that might not work for your kids or your lifestyle. Maybe your children need stability that comes from a different arrangement, or perhaps your work schedule doesn’t allow for a perfect split. Collaborative conversations let you explore these concerns without rigid rules getting in the way.

Focus on What Works for Your Family

Instead of getting caught up in the idea of what’s fair, focus on finding solutions that actually meet your family’s needs. Collaborative Divorce and Mediation allow for creative and meaningful discussions that a courtroom simply does not provide.

Let Family Ally Help You Find Your Best Solution

At Family Ally, we understand that every family’s needs are different. We’ll guide you through respectful conversations to help find the best path forward for everyone involved. Contact Jennifer Piper at 314-449-9800 to schedule a consultation and learn how Collaborative Divorce or Mediation can work for you. 

Family Ally is located at 130 S. Bemiston Ave., Suite 608, St. Louis, MO 63105.