How to Solve Problems in Divorce~ 3 min read
Divorce brings many decisions, big and small. How those problems are handled can shape your costs, your stress level, and your family’s future. Mediation and Collaborative Divorce focus on working through issues together, step by step, while litigation centers on positions and court orders.
How Problems Are Handled in Litigation
In a traditional court case, problem solving revolves around your position on the issues. You state what you want, the other person pushes back, and lawyers file motions. Disputes play out in public courtrooms, and the judge makes decisions for your family.
This process feels combative. You may have little control over outcomes, even on issues that affect your daily life. Small disagreements become expensive quickly. Something as basic as verifying income might require subpoenas and hearings, driving up costs before larger issues are even addressed.
A Different Way to Solve Problems
Mediation and Collaborative Divorce handle problems in a divorce very differently. Instead of fighting over positions, the focus is on working through issues together. You look at one issue at a time, starting with what needs to be resolved right now.
For example, if income information is needed, you can exchange pay stubs directly instead of forcing formal legal requests. That choice alone will save time, money, and frustration. Working through small issues cooperatively also sets the tone for resolving bigger ones.
Focusing on the Whole Family
Problem solving in these divorce processes is issue based rather than driven by personal demands. You look at what outcome works best for your entire family, not just one person. This can include addressing immediate parenting schedules, short-term support, or household expenses.
Talking through what needs to be paid and how it will be handled, helps you to reach agreements that support stability for everyone involved. These conversations are private and far less expensive than court battles.
Understanding the Why Behind the Request
Many conflicts ease once you talk about the reasons behind what each person wants. You may both want the same asset, but for different reasons. One may want use of it now, while the other is focused on long term value.
When you explore those reasons, new solutions can surface. You can find a way to divide time, responsibilities, or benefits in a way that works for both of you. These solutions are rarely available in court, where judges usually issue orders without exploring personal concerns.
Addressing Concerns Early
Sometimes there is a hesitation to share documents because of privacy or security concerns. In the Mediation or Collaborative Divorce processes, those concerns are discussed directly rather than ignored. Simple solutions, such as protective orders or controlled ways to review information, can address the issue without creating conflict. When you take time to understand the reason behind a concern, problems that might turn into costly disputes can be resolved early instead of turning into fights that stall progress.
Contact Family Ally
If you are considering divorce or want to understand your options, the team at Family Ally offers steady support focused on practical solutions. We help families work through issues in a way that supports informed decisions and long-term stability. To schedule a consultation, contact Jennifer Piper at 314-449-9800 or contact us online.
Family Ally is located at 130 S. Bemiston Ave., Suite 608, St. Louis, MO 63105.
Frequently Asked Questions
Why do small issues matter so much in divorce?
How you handle small issues sets the tone for larger decisions. Cooperative problem solving early will prevent bigger conflicts later.
How are problems handled differently in Mediation or Collaborative Divorce than in court?
Problems are addressed one at a time through discussion and shared problem solving. Instead of asking a judge to decide, you work together to reach agreements that fit your family.
What if we cannot agree on something important?
When an issue is difficult, Mediation and Collaborative Divorce allow you to slow down, gather information, and explore options before making decisions, rather than turning the issue over to a judge.
Jennifer R. Piper is a family law attorney, mediator, and parenting coordinator with more than 20 years of experience serving families in the St. Louis area. She is certified as a Guardian ad Litem and frequently appointed by courts to represent children in high-conflict cases. Jennifer is a former Chair of the Family and Juvenile Law Section of the Bar Association of Metropolitan St. Louis and an active leader in local and state bar organizations.
Her professional recognition includes being named to The Best Lawyers in America® (2017–2025), Missouri Super Lawyers (2021–2024), and receiving a Women’s Justice Award from Missouri Lawyers Weekly. Jennifer also holds an AV Preeminent rating from Martindale-Hubbell. She regularly speaks on family law topics and has helped shape family court procedures through her service on multiple committees.
